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178 - THREE YEARS

My 17 November are still emotionally charged since 2005 ... Yet, 3 years ago ...

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177 - COMPLEX IN OTHER

I always one step behind. All I want is to talk about hot topics when I find myself in front of my keyboard. Suddenly, my shrink session is already an old story. My sense of ... the debt that is evaporated. Finally not quite, I should say ... "developed." I understand it better.

I have received in my veins in my heart. I was given so much blood that fed me up and m'oxygénait. I realized that I can never make what I was given all the support they gave me. I now know that those who have given me maybe is good in doing so that the recipient is not what you might think. I realized that I should not my life than those around me, that those who have donated, I also owe it to medicine, but also my will and probably in luck.

Luck ... happiness but also a complex that does not leave me. I must speak ... too.

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176 - MY NEXT SESSION "PSY"

My appointment with the psychiatrist was postponed until next week.

I'm a little disappointed because I expected this meeting forward. I usually go a little adventure without having identified the issues to be addressed. I let the thoughts come, my analysis will build over the interview ... There It's different, I broods and there are specific points on which I wish to work. I would like to talk:

1) the departure of my hematologist, sadness that change creates, my apprehensions ...
2) a medical examination that I wanted to spend a long time, which worried me and that I I finally managed to achieve. And phew! all is well!
3) my sense of debt (since my remission) that determines my married life and my relationship to others in general ... That I think it's heavy!

This last point, I'll talk ... maybe in a week So.

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175 - THE LETTER

I'm at my workplace (ahem ...) and Philip just called me to read the mail from my favorite doctor. This is the record of our meeting of August and the results of the analysis in molecular biology. Everything is very good and my road to recovery continues.

is the kind of good news that it is always easy to state here ... I mean, it's sometimes feel guilty to say "OK, I'm fine for me and leukemia is the past "when I see others that are not there yet.

same time, I believe that this evidence may also be important to fuel the hopes of those in treatment and in their relatives.

So here, I tell you anyway!

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174 - IT'S FALL ...

... It is time for me to give you a quick summary of my summer.

I did not give any real news since June 8, 2008. It's been awfully long Tell me ... Well, you have not missed much in fact. Little anxiety in June anyway, when my blood asked me to prescribe an HIV test test they had already passed in May. I asked lots of questions: did he want my doctor to check something? Or just as I had said, had not he ever received the results? I redid a blood test which was very reassuring. So now, the anxiety was intense but brief.

In July, we went on vacation with my mother for ten days. Enjoyable holiday and beautiful ballads ...

In August, it was back to work. The return went smoothly.

The appointment with my psychologist were maintained at a rate of one session per month. I think I'm starting to see the end now. The need to talk about myself is more rare. The disease is far behind, it is no longer my story, it is only a small part of my history. It has left its mark but this impression does not stop me from returning to normal life, more social find my breath, my strength, my ego before ...

But still this sense of debt and want to make my experience something that is useful to others. I do not know how to go still take ... I remember Malik in a week. It may be working on this.

At the end of August, I had my final consultation / residual disease (results have also been falling these days). I had to bid farewell to my hematologist told me that he was leaving for Lille CHR Chambery. Instead, I find another house which took care of me from time to time three years ago and has since become chief of clinic in the monitoring of acute leukemias. The next meeting is scheduled in six months .... Consultations are spaced apart and therefore even between them bodes well. As time passes, the cure is within reach. It is no longer an ideal because it takes place gradually.

Blood tests also are becoming scarce, I will go to the lab more than once every 6 weeks. It's really cowardly nimble ...

You will therefore understand why I am less present or absent altogether. In short, I'm fine!

Please understand that I am glad that you are more likely to read me. It's always very touching to read your comments too.

I encourage you to support those for whom treatment and care are sadly topical. In my link list, I selected blogs that were mostly made by people with a blood disease (because we must make a choice) or by their relatives. I invite you to visit them, I think it would make them happy.

You see the recent addition of new addresses. You will discover the history of Brice but also that of Sebastian . But do not forget so far, Cathy , Noa, Johanne and all other ! Finally

for your viewing pleasure, check out the photos Perrine, whose experience stresses that Hope is not an empty word. But I'll talk a little note that I will do to his attention.

I kiss you ...

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173 - WITH PHIL (July 2008)

... Basel (Switzerland)

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What can I say? I have no time? Mostly true. I have more taste and I do not miss it? It depends on the days or weeks.

is that everything went as I expected: the offer, resignation, the new job. Since today I am a servant who takes the subway to work in an office tower downtown. It's very different from the scientist who jumped in his car to roll to his lab at Technopark Ville St-Laurent. That's 100 little things that have changed suddenly.

My love will sleep most likely because happy people have no history. SG and I got wet but happy holidays. I've never frankly wrote, but when I knew that one, I was looking for someone to stun me, for a ride without obligations. Yet from the first conversation, we knew we would both limit and cons to that there was scope to develop. Three months later, our potential for the long term is confirmed. Finally respect, communication and sound madness! I'm happy. And I slap a lot of books on blended families and educating children to try not to deserve the title of my monstrous stepmother too fast.

So for lack of time and inspiration, I'll put a stop to this slow death. I'm going to stop me I'll lure back the pace soon, I do not think that's possible. The (mis) adventures of Annie , it was meant to reviews of singles who looked always something, funny or dark, it has more purpose now. So I tell myself that if the sting of the blog takes me, it was under another name and under a new brand that you will find me. Thank you for following my (mis) adventures and have added your comments!

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July in accelerated

Here roughly what happened this month:

• am part of a weekend love with SG: This was perfect


• 've found that my job bored me and my advancement opportunities were null


• 've started to have vertigo and dizziness, as I already had two years ago


• missed many workdays because travel was impossible: too dizzy


• 've had to go to the evidence that it will take time for the son of my boyfriend and I find our respective places in the Life of Papa


• part of my duties at work I have been withdrawn because of risks that may cause my vertigo: job even more boring!


• went to the wedding of a colleague when a good friend of mine told me about a job posting, where he worked: I applied on the post


• bought my wedding dress to go to my Friends in Cuba in January


• saw the doctor who diagnosed an ear infection and gave me antibiotics


• got up covered with red spots after 7 days with my pills ampicillin allergy!


• I got the call Human Resources for an interview the next day


• past interview with the red spots!


• reviewed and an ENT doctor for my vertigo, which continues: I can not find anything, not sure that was the cause otitis


• 'm back to normal after 3 days of Benadryl


• reserved campgrounds and of Bed & Breakfast in New Brunswick for our vacation


• have received a second call to pass a second interview


• saw Leloup mail for a story: his coat does not change a hair


• have noticed that I could not possibly go to my friends' wedding in January in the South if I have the job: severe disappointment

remains to do by the end of the week:

• survive another day at work flat


• spend the last interview tomorrow ()


• continue to lie to my colleagues on my schedule


• start organizing my files in case of eventual departure


• have the job and accept their offer (by Friday)


• resign (Friday)


• baling bag of the car and go to bed early (Friday )


• go on holiday with my boyfriend and forget everything (Saturday until 10 August)
  

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Ten days

Ten days without blogging, ten days of reflection, ten days to laugh to see the stats plummet. Some days I miss writing, others, I do not have neither the time nor the inclination to put the computer on. Your comments are forwarded to me directly by email, hard to ignore, and some made me want to pull the plug sticking, others still fuel my thinking. The big questions remain yet unanswered: "why I blog? Why I should continue? Do I change the subject?".

meantime, I respond to some points raised in comments or extrapolated from these:

• I've never been so sensitive to comments these days. I think I'm trying to protect my happiness that I perceive as slurs. Choose to tell my (mis) adventures in love would be so much at first, because it seemed interesting around me a long time. But what I saw today, I put it into words without it being tainted.
• This is not me who has said the words "I love you" first. But when he did, probably too quickly for all to see, I said "me too". I do not live alone on this cloud. From the beginning, we wear both the magic glasses which show the life in pink. We are on the same wavelength on everything. Your chin join your knees to know all the projects we are talking about ... To think, me it makes me laugh!
• He read all the texts of the blog that he was concerned in my presence. It is not left running, even though I told him to feel comfortable leaving it was all exaggerated. Finally, he kissed me passionately and told me that I wrote well.
• My biological clock is doing very well, thank you. If I have no children today is by choice. I have no desire to have all costs, I want the right person. Of course, I have dreamed a few times with some in the past, but for many, I changed my mind quickly though, is that we do not make children with a kid. So I still do not. I'm still angry, but even if I get older, I do not want to force anything. Must have confidence in life, that will be!
• Do I wish to settle down? Yes and no. Yes, with the right person. Definitely not for others. Offerings such as "reasonable" did not fail in my life and if a house in the 450 with 1.3 children, two cars, a pool and a cottage was everything I wanted, I would mess that avoid sentence by accepting these proposals! The problem with me, you see, is the refusal of me "just" a nice guy that I like without really love. I never thought to compromise on feelings.
• I always knew that my intensity was frightening. Intense, I am sometimes too. Today, I have in my life someone whose intensity corresponds to mine. It is the passion from the beginning, it might crumble, I know only too well. However, I feel that this will not happen anytime soon.
• Blogicide? Inevitably, any blogger kills his blog. Often lack of time after the recent deaths. I do not know if I'm there. I do not know yet.
  

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Undecided (edited)

I have not had a great day today. I'm irritable and affect me the most innocuous comments. And I just found this text the thug who left me a bitter taste in mouth and close this blog.

I do not like criticism in general, that's a problem that I have "dealer" regularly. If someone had made up his mind to criticize my blog to its style (or lack thereof) for the quality of my French or redundancy of the theme, the pill helps. But these days, what I read, they are critical about my life and my personal choices. Okay, maybe you've learned to appreciate me as to worry about my sanity and you do not want my property, I thank you. Meanwhile, every comment mid-fig and grape is one more nail in the coffin of this blog.

That would be the point that I continue to tell you that I'm happy and in love when you expect that the fall? When some are convinced that I am dysfunctional to the point that it is a matter of time before the next break? Why should I write my adventures and then you justify them? No, I just do not have to do that, but I feel like it less and less.

I take a break for an indefinite period.

To be clear, this is not only critical issue that makes me question the existence of the blog. There is also a lack of inspiration and the lack of time. As well as writing nonsense, all stop.

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Amoureuse

I know most of you do not understand. What distinguishes SG others? Is not that a nickname more in these (mis) adventures that never seem to want to stop? I will say this: Wolf, in my opinion and often even those around me, was the man of my life with a capital H. Since him, nobody had been able to understand me, accept me and love me as I wanted. And I sought someone who would inspire me a lot of feelings so strong and with that the connection would be as good between him and me. Since January 2006, nobody has been up to. SG and then crossed my path. It is very new, but what I experienced stronger and more true since Leloup. And today, in between, I would have no difficulty choosing SG is my man for me. It is a gift of life I accept. The words seem too small for the size of what is happening ...

***** All I want to write is not allowed. We can not announce things bluntly. One can only wish them ...

I hope you look at me always.
I wish we lived these two years of wild passion that I promise.
I hope nothing bad ever happens to you and you will never die.
I hope your son loves me enough for one day regard me as a member of his family.
I want to wake up beside you every day wherever possible.
I want you to meet my friends, my family and everyone around me so they can see how much you make me happy.
I want to make you happy and be there to share with you the pink and dark.
Let me choose the colors of our walls one day soon.
I hope, a little wildly, wearing a white dress to join you at the end of an alley, surrounded by loved ones, if the heart tells us.
I hope you make the most beautiful children in the world.
I hope you read this blog, because you've earned by your patience and your trust, because I love you.

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172-14 JUNE: WORLD BLOOD DONOR

"On the occasion of World Day of Blood Donors to be held on June 14, the EFS is organizing a national event The purpose is twofold: to encourage donors to more regularity in this act of citizenship and greater public awareness of the importance of donating blood. "

To know the places of entertainment, just visit the EFS ( click here!). Under ' Did you know? , you can test your knowledge about blood donation: fun and interesting!

Finally in my list of links, I just added the blog Mom Clementine. But do not forget to also support all other!

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The future takes shape in pink

the bend of a winding path, find its twenty years. Eyes shining, hearts beating and bodies that ignite again and again. Nothing can be as before. Through his eyes, his hands, his voice, the world has changed. The shadows have vanished and doubt no longer part of everyday life. Fear, old companion of the past, is now a memory. The flight is allowed, no need to net.

He was not there, then there was, unpredictable and unavoidable. More than an oasis in my desert, much more than a name on a list too long, more than what was released before Destiny. And finally at his side, yesterday was a path to him, this line too fast and the future is taking shape in pink.

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171 - HERE AND ELSEWHERE ...

Have you noticed I just added 3 places in my link list? Please visit these blogs and remember that your comments will probably enjoy their authors:

HERE , HERE and HERE

For my part, my holidays come to an end tonight unfortunately.

I just realized that more than 3 weeks have elapsed since the last residual disease and to date, no phone call. And as they say, no news ... :-)

I let you go and see you soon.

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Happy Birthday Blog!

You have one year today. And strangely, your life as never weigh myself on Friday. It's not so easy to make you live. I set myself a goal to do for 12 months and I'm glad to be reached. I never thought so many people would be interested to read you and what you're talking. I could not imagine that among your readers, there are also players in my (mis) adventures. And that because of them, you'd change.

That you do not say, dear blog, you hide in so that people do not understand. Censorship and a sense of propriety thee often gag, he had to conceal and without disguise it shows too. If we never lied, it was sometimes disguised the truth, it has regularly cut corners, and it has closed the pen more often we would have liked.

You made people believe that Mark and Steff were two different people, when in fact, we speak the same guy. Upon request, you tried to muddy the waters to protect his privacy. This is, to date, your biggest lie. You did not say how the letter-writer thee inspired strong feelings for the first time you attended, you have even less about the fact that only Reason was involved in your second round of dating.

But if I'm angry at you today is because of Sir. With him, you never revealed the doubts of the heart and you did not mention when the Sens began to fail. I know you could do it, because the main interest was an avid reader, skilled at reading between the lines what was not there even. You told a beautiful story in which I seemed to make plans and live the perfect happiness, when in fact, plans for the future was the work of Lord and that happiness does not lasted beyond the first few weeks. All arguments and bickering were kept secret. It was necessary, if any shrank, to avoid regrets of a feather too impulsive. I think you have not said enough that the greatest injury of this story was to realize that I was mistaken and deluded about my feelings, I have, once again, tried to walk a thing impossible.

Not everything is your fault, blog, it's mine too. For a year, adventure misadventure, I forgot to read your header and I found myself to forget the butterflies. I ended up not knowing what love was, by dint of getting involved in relationships purely inspired by reason. I Was controlled settling, Almost Settling Down. I will not let it happen again.

I like what you talking about these days. We can say that it is fast, too fast to see. It excites me that I can say about nothing and passes from one to another as others change their underwear. We can say that I am emotionally dependent, desperate, mad, etc.. But you can write it loud: I'm the butterflies have flown away for good long ago, I found them.

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For him ...

... I heard this song in my car the night of our first date. I did not know what waiting for me, but I was hoping. Since then I have heard regularly and whenever I think of him singing the ...

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go to a concert
Repaint my room green
Drink vodka
Go Ikea
Put a neckline
Rent Furnished
And slay all

Crying over nothing
Buy a dog
Pretend to be ill
And set sail
Smoking too much
Take metro
And you take a picture

Chorus:
Discard the windows
love you with all my being
I'm good at it
Does it disappoint you?
I found nothing better to do
And it may seem very ordinary
And the list of things I want to do with you

Making you die laughing
Draw your sighs
lock me all day
Writing words of love
drink my coffee black
get up late
crying on a sidewalk

Me tighten on your heart
forgive your mistakes
Playing guitar
Dancing on a counter
Fill a shopping cart
Have a little girl
And spend my license

Chorus

ha ha haha Yaha Yaha
I know I'm too naive
To list non-exhaustive
Of all these things I want to do with you

Kiss you everywhere
Loving when you're drunk Watch
information
And still smoking too
Raise your suspicions
Te apologize
And treat you con

Having a bit of spleen
Play Janis Joplin
watching you sleep
watch me heal
Make Cycling in two
say that we are happy
pissing the envious.

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Yulblog, ticket details, etc.. Unforeseen

Yulblog I came from where I jumped very brief, just to see who was there and fix the details with Daniel for our evening theater Friday . Small exit which cost me a lot taking into account that I am parked in front of a fire hydrant without realizing it, I clearly realized I had a nice $ 52 ticket on my windshield leaving by cons. * Grrr *

Finally, it will fail to make me unhappy I have a permanent smile in the head. Fate played me a good turn. I told myself a full month would be needed to forget the last mishap. And I had no intention of trying to meet before then. Except that, to spy on internet Sir, I had to create a card and although not complete this form eventually lead to exchanges via msn with a charming stranger. These exchanges have led to phone conversations of several hours. These conversations led to a dinner Sunday night, which resulted in another Monday night to finish with an evening at his home yesterday evening. Three days, three dates with the Sexy Gentleman ( Ah ah finally found a nickname! ).

Totally unexpected, totally perfect. Sexy Gentleman, aka SG, 34, a good job, a house in Laval. He is educated, cultured, loves to travel and share my passion for wine and good food. It is intense with a touch of romance and I really feel that we are on the same wavelength. I feel like I always have known him and I can tell him anything. I have butterflies when I know I'll see, I check the presence of texting on my cell 15 times a day and this evening, I returned the Yulblog early because I wanted to talk before going to sleep (he was away on business, where that date is for the 4th Friday). I miss when we part and I think about him almost non-stop. And what's good is that, too. I know because it is said, without playing a game or attempt to hide what you feel. I do not remember the passion that had this taste and since Wolf, no one has inspired the kind of feelings ...

No red flags yet in sight. Just a novelty for me: it has a 5 year old son. I have never attended a " dad." And strangely, it does not bother me at all. Must be said that he would have other small one day so we shared it. "Mirror, mirror, tell me who is stepmother and if Little will find cool or stepmother?"

It's very strange stuff. It's fast, but the pain I had for my history with Sir was sharp and brief, I am given a lot faster than I thought. I do not feel that SG is a rebound or palliative. I think I need to meet Sir for allowing me to cross the road SG. That was like a rite of passage. I remain cautious, but I let myself go.

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They say when life closes a door, it opens a window ... I agree. It is Tuesday, I am going to my third time in three days ... we are unable to help himself, it seems. It's crazy. Crazy, but so good. I'll keep you posted as soon as I found him a nickname. Suggestions?

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170 - I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

It's funny, I forgot to mention in my previous post an event that undoubtedly important, in any case that makes sense to me and gives me good reason to trust the future. May 16, during my last visit, Dr. C. I made my (very thick) radiographic record. They no longer needed at the hospital. It looked like the clutter. I am therefore left with my shots in the arm at the same time a new page turned and covered the past.

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Annie and the City

My boss complimented me on my look when I arrived at the office, I looked and I said: "I'm going to see Sex and the City tonight" . He smiled and said: "Well, you Look the part." Was followed by a crazy day to prepare my presentation for DC, knowing that I should rework it again weekend. Mental note: it would also put it instead of blogging.

Eighteen hour! I leave the job direction the Central Market where my friend Mark waiting, tickets in hand. The movie theater is filled with women, too, "Look the part", and a few male specimens lost in this ocean of estrogen. I will not reveal the contents of the film, I would not do that. Me, I loved it. It's sometimes a bit longer and less "punchy" as the series, but to find all the characters I'm never see relive adventures was a pure delight for me. So now I await the release DVD to be able to see again and again!

output of film, the second part of the evening could begin: alcohol, dancing and flirting with one or more unknown! Marco, my girlfriend Frederique and I are joined with France to take a glass of wine before going to Taverna. France phoned V. she had met the previous week to ask if he would be there (if you do not remember him, I speak here , here and here ). So once the bar, it was not a surprise to come across him. Hmm, maybe the unknown is finally known! I first took the advantage of observing from a distance without a word, especially when France told me he wanted me a little. But the alcohol, I could not resist and I'm close ...

Phew! the least we can say is that physical chemistry going on between him and me. He confessed that I had hurt last summer with my indecision, he had hoped. Before leaving the bar at about 3am, he told me to call him, anytime, for anything, he would be happy. I do not understand what I've done this that all his intentions toward me are so serious. And I do not understand either why I refuse to give him a chance ...

... must say that I have hidden something, I most likely a date with someone else on Sunday night. Stay tuned!

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169 - EARLY ONSET

Come on, I take my leave to make an appearance and give you the latest news. The recent events I have mentioned here (suspicion of relapse, varicella) may have marked a new break and raised new questions that made me unable to feed these pages for many days.

retrospect, I think I was so afraid that at a distance required. However, since April, I got myself together and all is well.

Psychological support continues for me but the sessions are spaced . It resumed the course of work and there was no much damage really. Malika I see more than once a month and the next meeting will be June 4

two weeks ago about my consultation took place in hospital and the new levy on residual disease. With Dr C, we re-raised the suspicion obviously relapsed February. As I understand, two tests were made of which was negative and one positive. It was therefore necessary to verify these results and that's why the hospital had reminded me, causing my home Philippe and a sore back. Thereafter, you know, it ended well.

We also talked about my chicken pox seemed problematic to my hematologist. I had first to ask a question related to what the dermatologist told me, that if I had triggered this disease is because there were "holes in my immune system . It surprised me because we had never said that. For me, I had enough white to defend myself. Dr. C. I confirmed that indeed, my blood count was satisfactory but that chemotherapy might have altered the molecular structure of these cells and make them less effective in their function. So now, I learned that I was probably more vulnerable to viruses and microbes. But that is a lesser evil. Compared to chickenpox is the question of whether to continue treatment (antiviral) I had been given for the treatment but this time as a preventive measure. This would be a treatment that I should take long-term ... So when I do not know.

is maintained consultations and residual disease at a rate of once per quarter, and blood counts on a monthly basis.

Bon otherwise work, it just is not too bad. Here I am on vacation for 15 days so it's perfect.

event in recent weeks for me (probably irrelevant to you), what are the upcoming Mylène. We have our tickets for the Stade de France and the Zenith of Rouen. This is all that far, both in distance and time (the events taking place in more than one year) and it's also very expensive. The purse is gray-mine these days. But do you realize, I managed to throw so far away in time, something unthinkable a few months ago. So, wow!

Well, I took charge of this blog but I can not guarantee that I will come back often. I do not seek to retain even if your visits affect me particularly. I want to write when I feel the need, but never force me to do. I think it's important.
I do not know if you saw but three links were added to my list. There Laure, Franck companion who found his personal blog after a long pause. There is also the blog Martine , girlfriend Vincent who has just died as a result of leukemia. It will perhaps need our support. And finally Johanne , which I discovered the blog recently, gives us the experience of his struggle. I assume she also needs our little messages of support.

I was mainly through this article to share with you the fact that almost two years after the end of my treatment, everything is always good. I think it's important to show that. I am an example among others of a bad experience that ends well. As why it is important to believe in tomorrows ...

In all battles, there are good reasons for hope.

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Tag! in the kitchen! Method

friends always want to play with me! Therefore Daniel Paille tagged me!

1. Put the link that tagged me
2. Put Regulation on my blog
3. Answer 6 questions following
4. Tagging 6 people at the end of the ticket through their link
5. Warn directly on their blog people tagged

Question 1: A food or product I do not of everything.

Liver! Yuck! and kidneys, hearts and other organs that I could dissect once during my tray. I love foie gras by cons.

Question 2: My three favorite foods.

Berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries), cheese in all its forms and flavors, and creme brulee.

Question 3: My recipe favorite.

I make meatballs with barbecue sauce that I love and also pasta with mushroom sauce bechamel.

Question 4: My favorite drink.

red wine! Shiraz to be accurate.

Question 5: The dish I dream and realize that I still do not.

I wish I could make the stew of my grandmother, but I think the recipe was lost when she left us.

Question 6: My best memory processor.

culinary memories I have new every month thanks to my friend Brigitte us organize what is called a "greedy activity" monthly. It gives us a theme and everyone brings a dish according to the theme. You say everything that can be done as dirties!

I Montague: Véronique , The White Rabbit, Panic , Sara, David , Mouse .

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anti-stress

1. Dress comfortably, but keep your feet bare.
2. Make room in the lounge.
3. Put the following song:


4. Volume Up to the limit tolerated by the neighbors.
5. Sing loudly and dance like you have 5 years!
   

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Lilacs are in bloom

Friday I got up and my desire to enjoy life had returned. I realized that to postpone all thoughts turned to Messer and to the past helped a lot. So I try to stick to this resolution since: thinking as possible. My success rate varies, but remains above 85%.

What helped my mood, the new I went to Washington in early June for the job in order to present the results my project. Later career, it's interesting and it might help my future in the company. Personal side, I've never been in the capital of our southern neighbors, so I organized to have a little time to play tourist and try to get a little feel of the city. And the big plus: this little trip justify buying new clothes * insert here Annie with a smile showing all his teeth * .

Last night I accompanied my friend Marco at a wedding. It was an opportunity to make me pretty and put a brand new dress, which is always good morale. The newlyweds were very nice and the people of our table. The music was excellent and I finally put aside my pink heels Miss Sixty order to jump better and run at will. I like dancing without worrying about what people think of me! It's good for the soul to move freely! It's good for the ego to return with the business card of one of the few single room in her purse ...!

It is nice, the lilacs are in bloom and scent the air. We have a white lilac in the yard and just now I'll go the handicap of some of its branches in order to have before in my kitchen. To remember it's spring and that life is beautiful, nonetheless.

Implantation And Fluttering

disoriented

I'm really mixed. My emotions go from top to bottom in an uncontrolled cycle incomprehensible. Yesterday I went to work and now I had neither the strength nor the courage. I know it does not help me to stay home alone, but it's still what I did. I watched TV while shopping trips, condos, shoes and underwear on the internet. I did not buy anything. I know I want to spend to console me and treat me with magasinothérapie.

I did not feel like much. I pushed the escalation until Friday. I have not done laundry in over a week and I do not know what to wear tomorrow if I do not leave a load. I forget to eat when my stomach is complaining, I eat junk. Must say that something is rotting in the fridge which makes opening unappetizing. If I had money cash, I could " caller " Chinese, but I did not and the window is below. My school notebooks me throw looks of neglected children and even though I know I should go into overdrive if I get to finish my course I can not open a book. I have to buy a bra to go with my new dress by Saturday because I accompany a friend to a wedding, but it seems an impossible task to get out and go to the mall.

I try to focus on trivial things that tempt me: the finale of Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night, that of Lost next week, my colleague's wedding in June, my next trip with my friends planned to January, the concert I'll see in August with my family, the film Sex and the City in 9 days. I get the list of things I love: my bed, my super affectionate cat (very convenient now), my neighborhood, my new sunglasses, my pajamas with the little lion on the shirt, my pink vibrator (Chocking huh?! yeah, I have a libido!), my Peugeot pepper, my big red bowls eat soup or porridge, my BBQ and table on the balcony. I then make a list of people I love and support me, that's still too long a list for me to write here, but it is most important. I do not know where I'd be without my friends. Probably the third basement moral side. And I remember all the words of encouragement that I received via this blog, via MSN, via email. It's quite amazing that people I do not know little or care about my well-being.

My current sentence begins to turn around unless Messire. I see that we were inconsistent despite appearances at the start. That does not preclude the fact that I still miss. But the reason I'm depressed now, it's no longer knowing where I am and who I am. This relationship has awakened old insecurities that I'm behind. I feel as if I had nothing to offer to a potential partner, like I was empty and uninteresting. And so I wonder if I'll end my life alone. Alone with three cats affectionate.

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Try to get up

Yesterday came the fatal blow. I have this habit of making me a card on Network-Contact can when I'm broken heart to go and see if some men actually share my values. That's what helps me not to become bitter, I think. After noting that there were many candidates who seem to look the same as me, I was relieved. I do not know why, it is without doubt the devil himself who inspired me, but I typed the old nickname of Lord ... and its profile has emerged.

The same nickname. The membership number indicated that there was much before me. The same form seeking the same thing, not even a comma changed. Subscriber privilege at that. And online.

I had a crying incredible: I had not counted for him! The guy who wanted me to have children is already seeking a new uterus! A small two-month relationship do not even deserve more than 48 hours of mourning! I wanted to call to insult, but instead I called a friend. She came to me, listen, advise, console. We spent the afternoon together, it was dinner at the restaurant and she left in the evening. Julie thank you, thank you from my heart.

This morning I wake up and I'm out of tears. It can not hurt me, he has already done the worst. I have the ego to the ground. I did not really want to work tomorrow, but I know it's necessary to deal with, even if not as effective as usual. It's time to resume feet, get up and try to move forward. I'll find my balance and I rebuild a new life.

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list of things to do Friday

• Change your status on the blog: yesterday morning
• Change my status on Facebook yesterday evening
• The delete my Facebook friends and contacts from my msn is yesterday morning
• Drink too much wine with girlfriends: yesterday evening
• Ventilate, bitches, leave out the gall yesterday evening with girlfriends
• Have a hangover because it had too much wine this morning
• Stretch leg in search of manly leg that was there so few: made last night
• Crying to discover that this leg will not be there: done last night
• Remember the first kiss the restaurant and cry in the night yesterday
• Remember your first "I love you" and cry in the night yesterday
• Debating with himself what should / could be: did yesterday in the night
• Clear behalf of invitation to the wedding of my colleague to do as soon as I have strength, but by Tuesday
• Wash sheets to erase all traces of him to do this morning
• Answering his umpteenth email weeping done many times
• Tighten " his" pillow with tears before washing, lack of actual physical disruption that modern technology has "saved" probably this morning
• Se remember this face that was so funny crunchy: done right there at the moment
• crying because you miss: being
• Crying on his skillful hands that never again will ride your curves: current
• Agree not see him ever: being without much success
• Te curse you and address all names: that every two-three hours
• Melt its ice cream flavor strange that I will not eat: to do today
• Wash, get nice and go shopping for dinner tonight to do this afternoon return to Te
• ball on your bed crying: will be done regularly over the weekend
• Resist the urge to see him mad: continually
  
• go to supper with my friends and me console: to do tonight
• Go climb: Sunday and / or Monday
• Painting my apartment: do during the month
• Think long before painting my room pink: Ongoing
• Go dancing, get drunk and flirt with all the unknowns: to Saturday
• Rescaper the course that you would give up for lack of time: within the next two months
• Trying to survive the orchid which gave me: to during the coming months
• Try to breathe through the pain: current
• Crying to know that somewhere not far away, and he also suffers want to delete the Pain: regular
  
• Put the cream on your puffy eyes: every day this week
• Forget the image of his hand on a possible rounded belly in a house in the 450: seriously? that too? Please, give me a couple of weeks, maybe the summer for that one
• Crying: ongoing

My God, the great Edith Piaf

Victor Noriega Desnudo

ugly

" Friday ugly" is the title of the email I read this morning arriving at work around 9:15. Sir I had sent at 7:47. It goes as follows:

Hello Annie,

I took the time to think about last night. I should not go around the bush: we are not compatible, although I like it.

I did not mess with you by email, especially not a Friday morning when I know you're gonna blame me for not being productive for the day and you'll be sore at work. I wanted to tell you face to face, but when? Tonight, you'd come home and you go back directly at you? After the party? Sunday? It would be too hypocritical. So I hope you will know forgive me.

Annie, my family saw me going for several years to seek the Good. They know all my criteria: one that can tame me and one that will put up with me. I'm blunt. I'm honest. I need someone particularly hard rind. For some time the "dirty little coward" was interposed between us and I am not equipped to "dealer" with it. I am not able to make use of subtlety in an attempt to defuse difficult situations. I just power, but I failed.

You're beautiful. Completely desirable and brilliant. I was proud to go out by your side and you're my little blonde to me. Now I have to cut so we can both ignore and find our atoms bent.

I adore you, and it tore my heart.
Hugs, Sir


The read and reread it does not change the message or injury. And no matter the excuses, I just do it "flushed" by email. That Is an all time low. I was not enough for you deign to talk to me face to face, or at least by telephone. The idea that it could have been worse (a text message on my cell? As well be there!) is a small consolation. Then ask me why I did not have confidence in myself and in my relationships? Seriously?

The day was very painful. Too many colleagues saw me fall apart today. Not quite the image of the professional that I give. But I made the day. I experienced planned. Even a broken heart, in the dumps and confused brain, I managed to do what I should do.

I'm not very good at the late hour as I write these lines. I'm not fasting, you certainly will forgive me. And I miss him already. Terribly. I so believed in this story. Until very recently, I thought I had finally arriving at the port. I came close many dreams at your fingertips with him. But the turmoil of the past have been right about everything. Even though I tried so hard to be Good ... meet all of those this year, God only knows that he fully deserved.

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Kill me now ...

... Please, shoot me that it stops hurting. Why happiness still eludes me? Why I think every time? Why I am working so much?

I'm single ...

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To Blog or Not to Blog

My blog is flat. Since I met Sir, no mishap to tell. And I'm censoring myself. I never like censorship. Proof, since last night I put two texts online that I had to withdraw to avoid making too many waves in an already complicated enough. Yet this blog is my personal area, my way to break down and do introspection. My way to create, finally writing regularly, I gain a readership. It is not intended as a means to attack and make anyone sweat. Even if it happened a few times.

When I started blogging, I had given as a challenge to take a year. The year is ending soon, June 6th to be precise. And the big dilemma is whether I'll still be here. I'm pretty proud of what I did with these pink pages, the therapeutic side of writing has not escaped me and my imagination to untie me good. But censorship is killing me. Not able to say everything exactly as I see it, as I feel like I want, I'm cutting the wings. So why continue? I think.

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Grand discomfort

This morning I went to lunch with Sir and two of her girlfriends. One is his ex and the other was to serve as a lightning rod in this delicate encounter between past and present. It was difficult and unpleasant for all.

I did not create the situation, I just fell into it. I did not know the exact nature of their relationship when I met Sir. I did not know he had a friend who took a lot of modern place in his life. Had I known, I would not have seen. Because I am one of those who do not walk into the flower beds of others. I do not like the blur either. I do not know.

, disputes on the subject, it has been our lot. I thought the meeting might calm things down. But it seems that I am the villain of the story no matter what I do. Well, you know what? That's not true! I am not wicked. Neither victim. Nor mad. I'm just a girl uncomfortable in a situation where it is located. The discomfort is great because I've played all the roles of this kind of pathetic comedy. And I am sick and tired today. Royally bored! I am far from perfect, I have a bad temper and am intransigent on many points. Yet, I managed to get over my inner demons to get to this meeting and try approximation. Those who know me well will know what it cost me. And it makes me sweat even accuse me of things on the *&%$#! subject anyway!