Cost Of A Partial Plate

Annie and the City

My boss complimented me on my look when I arrived at the office, I looked and I said: "I'm going to see Sex and the City tonight" . He smiled and said: "Well, you Look the part." Was followed by a crazy day to prepare my presentation for DC, knowing that I should rework it again weekend. Mental note: it would also put it instead of blogging.

Eighteen hour! I leave the job direction the Central Market where my friend Mark waiting, tickets in hand. The movie theater is filled with women, too, "Look the part", and a few male specimens lost in this ocean of estrogen. I will not reveal the contents of the film, I would not do that. Me, I loved it. It's sometimes a bit longer and less "punchy" as the series, but to find all the characters I'm never see relive adventures was a pure delight for me. So now I await the release DVD to be able to see again and again!

output of film, the second part of the evening could begin: alcohol, dancing and flirting with one or more unknown! Marco, my girlfriend Frederique and I are joined with France to take a glass of wine before going to Taverna. France phoned V. she had met the previous week to ask if he would be there (if you do not remember him, I speak here , here and here ). So once the bar, it was not a surprise to come across him. Hmm, maybe the unknown is finally known! I first took the advantage of observing from a distance without a word, especially when France told me he wanted me a little. But the alcohol, I could not resist and I'm close ...

Phew! the least we can say is that physical chemistry going on between him and me. He confessed that I had hurt last summer with my indecision, he had hoped. Before leaving the bar at about 3am, he told me to call him, anytime, for anything, he would be happy. I do not understand what I've done this that all his intentions toward me are so serious. And I do not understand either why I refuse to give him a chance ...

... must say that I have hidden something, I most likely a date with someone else on Sunday night. Stay tuned!

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169 - EARLY ONSET

Come on, I take my leave to make an appearance and give you the latest news. The recent events I have mentioned here (suspicion of relapse, varicella) may have marked a new break and raised new questions that made me unable to feed these pages for many days.

retrospect, I think I was so afraid that at a distance required. However, since April, I got myself together and all is well.

Psychological support continues for me but the sessions are spaced . It resumed the course of work and there was no much damage really. Malika I see more than once a month and the next meeting will be June 4

two weeks ago about my consultation took place in hospital and the new levy on residual disease. With Dr C, we re-raised the suspicion obviously relapsed February. As I understand, two tests were made of which was negative and one positive. It was therefore necessary to verify these results and that's why the hospital had reminded me, causing my home Philippe and a sore back. Thereafter, you know, it ended well.

We also talked about my chicken pox seemed problematic to my hematologist. I had first to ask a question related to what the dermatologist told me, that if I had triggered this disease is because there were "holes in my immune system . It surprised me because we had never said that. For me, I had enough white to defend myself. Dr. C. I confirmed that indeed, my blood count was satisfactory but that chemotherapy might have altered the molecular structure of these cells and make them less effective in their function. So now, I learned that I was probably more vulnerable to viruses and microbes. But that is a lesser evil. Compared to chickenpox is the question of whether to continue treatment (antiviral) I had been given for the treatment but this time as a preventive measure. This would be a treatment that I should take long-term ... So when I do not know.

is maintained consultations and residual disease at a rate of once per quarter, and blood counts on a monthly basis.

Bon otherwise work, it just is not too bad. Here I am on vacation for 15 days so it's perfect.

event in recent weeks for me (probably irrelevant to you), what are the upcoming Mylène. We have our tickets for the Stade de France and the Zenith of Rouen. This is all that far, both in distance and time (the events taking place in more than one year) and it's also very expensive. The purse is gray-mine these days. But do you realize, I managed to throw so far away in time, something unthinkable a few months ago. So, wow!

Well, I took charge of this blog but I can not guarantee that I will come back often. I do not seek to retain even if your visits affect me particularly. I want to write when I feel the need, but never force me to do. I think it's important.
I do not know if you saw but three links were added to my list. There Laure, Franck companion who found his personal blog after a long pause. There is also the blog Martine , girlfriend Vincent who has just died as a result of leukemia. It will perhaps need our support. And finally Johanne , which I discovered the blog recently, gives us the experience of his struggle. I assume she also needs our little messages of support.

I was mainly through this article to share with you the fact that almost two years after the end of my treatment, everything is always good. I think it's important to show that. I am an example among others of a bad experience that ends well. As why it is important to believe in tomorrows ...

In all battles, there are good reasons for hope.

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Tag! in the kitchen! Method

friends always want to play with me! Therefore Daniel Paille tagged me!

1. Put the link that tagged me
2. Put Regulation on my blog
3. Answer 6 questions following
4. Tagging 6 people at the end of the ticket through their link
5. Warn directly on their blog people tagged

Question 1: A food or product I do not of everything.

Liver! Yuck! and kidneys, hearts and other organs that I could dissect once during my tray. I love foie gras by cons.

Question 2: My three favorite foods.

Berries (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries), cheese in all its forms and flavors, and creme brulee.

Question 3: My recipe favorite.

I make meatballs with barbecue sauce that I love and also pasta with mushroom sauce bechamel.

Question 4: My favorite drink.

red wine! Shiraz to be accurate.

Question 5: The dish I dream and realize that I still do not.

I wish I could make the stew of my grandmother, but I think the recipe was lost when she left us.

Question 6: My best memory processor.

culinary memories I have new every month thanks to my friend Brigitte us organize what is called a "greedy activity" monthly. It gives us a theme and everyone brings a dish according to the theme. You say everything that can be done as dirties!

I Montague: Véronique , The White Rabbit, Panic , Sara, David , Mouse .

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anti-stress

1. Dress comfortably, but keep your feet bare.
2. Make room in the lounge.
3. Put the following song:


4. Volume Up to the limit tolerated by the neighbors.
5. Sing loudly and dance like you have 5 years!
   

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Lilacs are in bloom

Friday I got up and my desire to enjoy life had returned. I realized that to postpone all thoughts turned to Messer and to the past helped a lot. So I try to stick to this resolution since: thinking as possible. My success rate varies, but remains above 85%.

What helped my mood, the new I went to Washington in early June for the job in order to present the results my project. Later career, it's interesting and it might help my future in the company. Personal side, I've never been in the capital of our southern neighbors, so I organized to have a little time to play tourist and try to get a little feel of the city. And the big plus: this little trip justify buying new clothes * insert here Annie with a smile showing all his teeth * .

Last night I accompanied my friend Marco at a wedding. It was an opportunity to make me pretty and put a brand new dress, which is always good morale. The newlyweds were very nice and the people of our table. The music was excellent and I finally put aside my pink heels Miss Sixty order to jump better and run at will. I like dancing without worrying about what people think of me! It's good for the soul to move freely! It's good for the ego to return with the business card of one of the few single room in her purse ...!

It is nice, the lilacs are in bloom and scent the air. We have a white lilac in the yard and just now I'll go the handicap of some of its branches in order to have before in my kitchen. To remember it's spring and that life is beautiful, nonetheless.

Implantation And Fluttering

disoriented

I'm really mixed. My emotions go from top to bottom in an uncontrolled cycle incomprehensible. Yesterday I went to work and now I had neither the strength nor the courage. I know it does not help me to stay home alone, but it's still what I did. I watched TV while shopping trips, condos, shoes and underwear on the internet. I did not buy anything. I know I want to spend to console me and treat me with magasinothérapie.

I did not feel like much. I pushed the escalation until Friday. I have not done laundry in over a week and I do not know what to wear tomorrow if I do not leave a load. I forget to eat when my stomach is complaining, I eat junk. Must say that something is rotting in the fridge which makes opening unappetizing. If I had money cash, I could " caller " Chinese, but I did not and the window is below. My school notebooks me throw looks of neglected children and even though I know I should go into overdrive if I get to finish my course I can not open a book. I have to buy a bra to go with my new dress by Saturday because I accompany a friend to a wedding, but it seems an impossible task to get out and go to the mall.

I try to focus on trivial things that tempt me: the finale of Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night, that of Lost next week, my colleague's wedding in June, my next trip with my friends planned to January, the concert I'll see in August with my family, the film Sex and the City in 9 days. I get the list of things I love: my bed, my super affectionate cat (very convenient now), my neighborhood, my new sunglasses, my pajamas with the little lion on the shirt, my pink vibrator (Chocking huh?! yeah, I have a libido!), my Peugeot pepper, my big red bowls eat soup or porridge, my BBQ and table on the balcony. I then make a list of people I love and support me, that's still too long a list for me to write here, but it is most important. I do not know where I'd be without my friends. Probably the third basement moral side. And I remember all the words of encouragement that I received via this blog, via MSN, via email. It's quite amazing that people I do not know little or care about my well-being.

My current sentence begins to turn around unless Messire. I see that we were inconsistent despite appearances at the start. That does not preclude the fact that I still miss. But the reason I'm depressed now, it's no longer knowing where I am and who I am. This relationship has awakened old insecurities that I'm behind. I feel as if I had nothing to offer to a potential partner, like I was empty and uninteresting. And so I wonder if I'll end my life alone. Alone with three cats affectionate.

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Try to get up

Yesterday came the fatal blow. I have this habit of making me a card on Network-Contact can when I'm broken heart to go and see if some men actually share my values. That's what helps me not to become bitter, I think. After noting that there were many candidates who seem to look the same as me, I was relieved. I do not know why, it is without doubt the devil himself who inspired me, but I typed the old nickname of Lord ... and its profile has emerged.

The same nickname. The membership number indicated that there was much before me. The same form seeking the same thing, not even a comma changed. Subscriber privilege at that. And online.

I had a crying incredible: I had not counted for him! The guy who wanted me to have children is already seeking a new uterus! A small two-month relationship do not even deserve more than 48 hours of mourning! I wanted to call to insult, but instead I called a friend. She came to me, listen, advise, console. We spent the afternoon together, it was dinner at the restaurant and she left in the evening. Julie thank you, thank you from my heart.

This morning I wake up and I'm out of tears. It can not hurt me, he has already done the worst. I have the ego to the ground. I did not really want to work tomorrow, but I know it's necessary to deal with, even if not as effective as usual. It's time to resume feet, get up and try to move forward. I'll find my balance and I rebuild a new life.

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list of things to do Friday

• Change your status on the blog: yesterday morning
• Change my status on Facebook yesterday evening
• The delete my Facebook friends and contacts from my msn is yesterday morning
• Drink too much wine with girlfriends: yesterday evening
• Ventilate, bitches, leave out the gall yesterday evening with girlfriends
• Have a hangover because it had too much wine this morning
• Stretch leg in search of manly leg that was there so few: made last night
• Crying to discover that this leg will not be there: done last night
• Remember the first kiss the restaurant and cry in the night yesterday
• Remember your first "I love you" and cry in the night yesterday
• Debating with himself what should / could be: did yesterday in the night
• Clear behalf of invitation to the wedding of my colleague to do as soon as I have strength, but by Tuesday
• Wash sheets to erase all traces of him to do this morning
• Answering his umpteenth email weeping done many times
• Tighten " his" pillow with tears before washing, lack of actual physical disruption that modern technology has "saved" probably this morning
• Se remember this face that was so funny crunchy: done right there at the moment
• crying because you miss: being
• Crying on his skillful hands that never again will ride your curves: current
• Agree not see him ever: being without much success
• Te curse you and address all names: that every two-three hours
• Melt its ice cream flavor strange that I will not eat: to do today
• Wash, get nice and go shopping for dinner tonight to do this afternoon return to Te
• ball on your bed crying: will be done regularly over the weekend
• Resist the urge to see him mad: continually
  
• go to supper with my friends and me console: to do tonight
• Go climb: Sunday and / or Monday
• Painting my apartment: do during the month
• Think long before painting my room pink: Ongoing
• Go dancing, get drunk and flirt with all the unknowns: to Saturday
• Rescaper the course that you would give up for lack of time: within the next two months
• Trying to survive the orchid which gave me: to during the coming months
• Try to breathe through the pain: current
• Crying to know that somewhere not far away, and he also suffers want to delete the Pain: regular
  
• Put the cream on your puffy eyes: every day this week
• Forget the image of his hand on a possible rounded belly in a house in the 450: seriously? that too? Please, give me a couple of weeks, maybe the summer for that one
• Crying: ongoing

My God, the great Edith Piaf

Victor Noriega Desnudo

ugly

" Friday ugly" is the title of the email I read this morning arriving at work around 9:15. Sir I had sent at 7:47. It goes as follows:

Hello Annie,

I took the time to think about last night. I should not go around the bush: we are not compatible, although I like it.

I did not mess with you by email, especially not a Friday morning when I know you're gonna blame me for not being productive for the day and you'll be sore at work. I wanted to tell you face to face, but when? Tonight, you'd come home and you go back directly at you? After the party? Sunday? It would be too hypocritical. So I hope you will know forgive me.

Annie, my family saw me going for several years to seek the Good. They know all my criteria: one that can tame me and one that will put up with me. I'm blunt. I'm honest. I need someone particularly hard rind. For some time the "dirty little coward" was interposed between us and I am not equipped to "dealer" with it. I am not able to make use of subtlety in an attempt to defuse difficult situations. I just power, but I failed.

You're beautiful. Completely desirable and brilliant. I was proud to go out by your side and you're my little blonde to me. Now I have to cut so we can both ignore and find our atoms bent.

I adore you, and it tore my heart.
Hugs, Sir


The read and reread it does not change the message or injury. And no matter the excuses, I just do it "flushed" by email. That Is an all time low. I was not enough for you deign to talk to me face to face, or at least by telephone. The idea that it could have been worse (a text message on my cell? As well be there!) is a small consolation. Then ask me why I did not have confidence in myself and in my relationships? Seriously?

The day was very painful. Too many colleagues saw me fall apart today. Not quite the image of the professional that I give. But I made the day. I experienced planned. Even a broken heart, in the dumps and confused brain, I managed to do what I should do.

I'm not very good at the late hour as I write these lines. I'm not fasting, you certainly will forgive me. And I miss him already. Terribly. I so believed in this story. Until very recently, I thought I had finally arriving at the port. I came close many dreams at your fingertips with him. But the turmoil of the past have been right about everything. Even though I tried so hard to be Good ... meet all of those this year, God only knows that he fully deserved.

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Kill me now ...

... Please, shoot me that it stops hurting. Why happiness still eludes me? Why I think every time? Why I am working so much?

I'm single ...

Resetting Compustar Starter

To Blog or Not to Blog

My blog is flat. Since I met Sir, no mishap to tell. And I'm censoring myself. I never like censorship. Proof, since last night I put two texts online that I had to withdraw to avoid making too many waves in an already complicated enough. Yet this blog is my personal area, my way to break down and do introspection. My way to create, finally writing regularly, I gain a readership. It is not intended as a means to attack and make anyone sweat. Even if it happened a few times.

When I started blogging, I had given as a challenge to take a year. The year is ending soon, June 6th to be precise. And the big dilemma is whether I'll still be here. I'm pretty proud of what I did with these pink pages, the therapeutic side of writing has not escaped me and my imagination to untie me good. But censorship is killing me. Not able to say everything exactly as I see it, as I feel like I want, I'm cutting the wings. So why continue? I think.

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Grand discomfort

This morning I went to lunch with Sir and two of her girlfriends. One is his ex and the other was to serve as a lightning rod in this delicate encounter between past and present. It was difficult and unpleasant for all.

I did not create the situation, I just fell into it. I did not know the exact nature of their relationship when I met Sir. I did not know he had a friend who took a lot of modern place in his life. Had I known, I would not have seen. Because I am one of those who do not walk into the flower beds of others. I do not like the blur either. I do not know.

, disputes on the subject, it has been our lot. I thought the meeting might calm things down. But it seems that I am the villain of the story no matter what I do. Well, you know what? That's not true! I am not wicked. Neither victim. Nor mad. I'm just a girl uncomfortable in a situation where it is located. The discomfort is great because I've played all the roles of this kind of pathetic comedy. And I am sick and tired today. Royally bored! I am far from perfect, I have a bad temper and am intransigent on many points. Yet, I managed to get over my inner demons to get to this meeting and try approximation. Those who know me well will know what it cost me. And it makes me sweat even accuse me of things on the *&%$#! subject anyway!

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Better safe

We all have our foibles. The things that distinguish us but at the same time can be unnerving, to see fall squarely on the system. As we age, it was more of these little habits, especially when one has lived alone for some time.

Messer did things that characterize that make me smile sometimes and sometimes cringe ... he snores very loudly when he drank. It has a selective memory that remembers the names of football players with no problem but forgets their trips for the weekend. He comes out of the bathtub all wet and dry by flooding the carpet of the bathroom (which became quite cold and wet to the point that going to the bathroom by finding a dry place to set foot will prove an impossible challenge ). It is very comfortable with her body and may appear completely naked for lunch or dinner. It is the worst passenger in the story, criticizing and commenting on all the maneuvers of the driver exasperated.

If Messer has its quirks, it might be warn about mine ... I always manage to block the tube of toothpaste, regardless of the model tube. In addition, I always leave the toothpaste in the sink after I brush my teeth without even knowing how I get there. I leave the dirty dishes in the sink for days before I decided to empty the dishwasher, which contains the clean dishes. I do the laundry, but I often forget to fold the clothes. I like my food does not mix on my plate and put sauce on my mashed potatoes is considered a crime. M'ébouriffer hair when I go out or that is in public may be punishable by death.

I know he slowly discovers my intransigence and I think it does not really horrified because since yesterday I have two new keys in my keychain ... Apparently, a guy willing to engage you buy a toothbrush to leave home after a month and gives you the keys to his apartment after two. I am "flabbergastée. The single that I had come to believe that the guys are committed only when they have no other choice and they are backed into a wall. Hum! it looks bad for the condo and finally three cats!

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Ouch!

Tonight M. Communication called a taxi and left for home leaving his car in front of my door. I am a champion to drive them away. I do not know how I do it if I knew I would take a patent. Inevitably, Sir preferred the door rather than stay to discuss the misunderstanding arose from nowhere. So Friday night, midnight, I cry on my couch cursing me. Not sure who or what to blame really. And the ugly little voice whispers that impertinent could buy a condo for 3 cats are reared in hardened and hateful old daughter, instead of buying a house with two and found a family.

I do not know much but I know I hate feeling like this. I am allergic to puffy eyes have cried too much, the rings do not sleep anymore, with hollow cheeks loss of appetite. I do not want that. Never again. So if this conflict is not resolved ... there will be no next. I no longer wish to make myself vulnerable. I do not want to suffer so. Life brings enough little miseries without splitting the Heart me continuously for a look bleak. Seriously, I can not anymore. I can not understand why I am where I am, but it is enough. I did / said / gave everything I could and it never seems enough, you need never, never what one seeks. Why persist?

is sorry Sir, I am disappointed. Confidence has taken a serious blow. First chicane. Couples meant to be together to survive, others die out. Alea is jacta.

Yet even after writing it, it always looks so bad. Screeching
evil.
Help!