I'm really mixed. My emotions go from top to bottom in an uncontrolled cycle incomprehensible. Yesterday I went to work and now I had neither the strength nor the courage. I know it does not help me to stay home alone, but it's still what I did. I watched TV while shopping trips, condos, shoes and underwear on the internet. I did not buy anything. I know I want to spend to console me and treat me with magasinothérapie. I did not feel like much. I pushed the escalation until Friday. I have not done laundry in over a week and I do not know what to wear tomorrow if I do not leave a load. I forget to eat when my stomach is complaining, I eat junk. Must say that something is rotting in the fridge which makes opening unappetizing. If I had money cash, I could " caller " Chinese, but I did not and the window is below. My school notebooks me throw looks of neglected children and even though I know I should go into overdrive if I get to finish my course I can not open a book. I have to buy a bra to go with my new dress by Saturday because I accompany a friend to a wedding, but it seems an impossible task to get out and go to the mall.
I try to focus on trivial things that tempt me: the finale of Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night, that of Lost next week, my colleague's wedding in June, my next trip with my friends planned to January, the concert I'll see in August with my family, the film Sex and the City in 9 days. I get the list of things I love: my bed, my super affectionate cat (very convenient now), my neighborhood, my new sunglasses, my pajamas with the little lion on the shirt, my pink vibrator (Chocking huh?! yeah, I have a libido!), my Peugeot pepper, my big red bowls eat soup or porridge, my BBQ and table on the balcony. I then make a list of people I love and support me, that's still too long a list for me to write here, but it is most important. I do not know where I'd be without my friends. Probably the third basement moral side. And I remember all the words of encouragement that I received via this blog, via MSN, via email. It's quite amazing that people I do not know little or care about my well-being.
My current sentence begins to turn around unless Messire. I see that we were inconsistent despite appearances at the start. That does not preclude the fact that I still miss. But the reason I'm depressed now, it's no longer knowing where I am and who I am. This relationship has awakened old insecurities that I'm behind. I feel as if I had nothing to offer to a potential partner, like I was empty and uninteresting. And so I wonder if I'll end my life alone. Alone with three cats affectionate.
I try to focus on trivial things that tempt me: the finale of Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night, that of Lost next week, my colleague's wedding in June, my next trip with my friends planned to January, the concert I'll see in August with my family, the film Sex and the City in 9 days. I get the list of things I love: my bed, my super affectionate cat (very convenient now), my neighborhood, my new sunglasses, my pajamas with the little lion on the shirt, my pink vibrator (Chocking huh?! yeah, I have a libido!), my Peugeot pepper, my big red bowls eat soup or porridge, my BBQ and table on the balcony. I then make a list of people I love and support me, that's still too long a list for me to write here, but it is most important. I do not know where I'd be without my friends. Probably the third basement moral side. And I remember all the words of encouragement that I received via this blog, via MSN, via email. It's quite amazing that people I do not know little or care about my well-being.
My current sentence begins to turn around unless Messire. I see that we were inconsistent despite appearances at the start. That does not preclude the fact that I still miss. But the reason I'm depressed now, it's no longer knowing where I am and who I am. This relationship has awakened old insecurities that I'm behind. I feel as if I had nothing to offer to a potential partner, like I was empty and uninteresting. And so I wonder if I'll end my life alone. Alone with three cats affectionate.
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