I return after a long period of withdrawal, distancing of the disease. I put the blog on hold. It was my choice, simply because he looked like me anymore because I had less and less things to express it, because I felt good because I was trying to move on, because I had no time because it was hard to Nancy and lots of other reasons no doubt.
psychotherapy seemed to come to an end, the meetings became less frequent, he left me two or three at most. We had planned this with Malika. And that suited me.
At work, I resumed a normal pace. For the first time my schedule was full for three weeks at least. I felt a bit overwhelmed and tired, but it seemed like a normal and necessary. Despite some annoyances and some discomfort in my report to others, I was pleased with the progress.
Despite tiredness occurred in recent days, a year and a half after the end of my treatment, I make concessions and confidence ... until yesterday I had 11 hours.
I'm on my workplace re-reading a speech that I do during a meeting held at 11.30 am. The ringing of my cell phone rang. At the other end, my hematologist. From my side, panic and an immense trouble that does not allow this day to transcribe exactly what the doctor told me. I'm confused that's for sure and maybe he is himself. His appeal was on my last consultation in late January and more particularly to the blood that has been made that day to assess residual disease. It is this consideration that must be performed again. I hardly understand why. Maybe I do not want to know just, not now, not right away. There is no emergency but we can not wait for our next appointment, which takes place in four months. The Doctor is my intention to pass this week or next week and I will be received between two patients for a blood test. We finally opt for an appointment scheduled for tomorrow and at which I could afford to ask the right questions.
Then co-worker support and eventually the same scenario as in November 2005, except that here I see that they do not understand what is being played in my head.
Philip I do not call right away because I do not know how to explain. I remember the hospital to get an appointment early with Malika The Psychologist. I was passing, we talk a little, it does me good to hear. We fix an appointment after which Phil will take part if he feels the need. I'm worried for him.
By late morning, my companion reached by phone. He hears the sound of my voice that it will not. I do not go around the bush, I explain why I'm in this state. He cries. I told him I will not wait until 5:30 p.m. to go home.
I leave the office earlier in the afternoon after an update on most of my files for peace of mind. And then basta, I'm me by providing a sick leave.
I hear that Phil has put mom into confidence. I think it's important. We must at least be three to make the question more bearable.
this morning with Phil, we went to the CHR for our appointment with the psychologist, now not so useless. We made the point, expressed our fears and feelings respective listed the questions we must ask the specialist tomorrow. We toyed with the possibilities for certainties, there is none yet.
This Tonight I see my doctor anyway and ask him a stay until the end of the week. After I'm on vacation with Philip.
What we will very much depend on tomorrow. We must lift the veil. There are several possible storylines, including the most favorable. I want to leave my mother in Alsace, a week, being away in a place where we feel good.
0 comments:
Post a Comment